Cruel Intentions ...

Yesterdays outfit reminded me of what Sarah Michelle Geller wore in the film Cruel Intentions - It wasn't really meant to be a nod towards that of a catholic schoolgirl but somehow turned out that way - and once I'd started the whole costume ball rolling I added the cross necklace just for fun :)
This was the skirt I picked up in the Xmas sales :D I just love the colours!

The necklace from CI!

Wore this outfit to go the Hospital to see my new consultant and for some tests - Didn't really get the news I was hoping for and it turns out I have to go in for Surgery next week - yup that was quite a bomb to drop!
I'm REALLY not looking forward to it .. am worried about the op itself, how I'll be feeling afterwards, the risks involved, if I'll have hideous scars after and also the results! It's going to be keyhole exploratory surgery so there may actually be no outcome - which just seems like a whole lot of pain for nothing - but on the other hand it could help .. I just have to hope and pray! (At times like these I wish I had a faith or a stronger one at least :( )

Took the day off work today as I was feeling exhausted and poorly and also just couldn't face having to pretend I was okay when actually all I wanted to do was cry!!

Anyway we'll just have to see what happens - no1 can ever know what the future holds!

What I wore today:

Skirt: Jane Norman.

Top: Primark.

Cardie: New Look.

Tights: Primark.

Boots: Gifted.

Necklace: Gifted: Avon.

I'm so not digging what I wore to work on Tues, it made me look hippy (and not the peace and love kind!) It was so much cuter when conceived in my head! Ah well - we live and learn my friends live and learn!




Also I think Ive put on weight - even though my scales beg to differ - my hips and lower stomach look wider, so I must of spread out - when I look at pics of my summer pre wedding outfits I look noticeably smaller - So theres a warning to all you single bloggers out there, don't do it .. don't get married it makes you fat!! :)

What i wore:

Skirt: New Look.

Black Top: Primark.

Cardie: New Look.

Tights: Primark.

It never rains .....

Some of you may of noticed I have been a bit blog absent recently - I haven't been very well - the flu that I have had has caused me to develop a condition called Torticollis .. a condition that is in the neck muscles - it's pretty fair to say I have been in agony over the ;ast few days!

And have also had some other issues to deal with - that hasn't been pleasant :(

Hope to be back to my blogging state soon!

Hope everyone else is well

Love CC xXx

What doesn't kill us .....

Today I woke up in a good mood - and had an appointment with a doctor - however for reasons I shall not go into on here (Just say a work issue) I came out in tears!

Feeling more positive now though as what doesn't kill us - Lets just say I'm not just going to sit back and take what they throw at me .. I will not be a pushover :(

Tonight were going to go to a friends house for drinks!

And I just had a lovely visit from next doors cat, it's the simple things in life which make us happy :D

What I wore today:

Skirt: New Look.
Top: Unknown had for years.
Shoes: M+S Limited Collection.
Flower in my hair: Claire's Accessories.

Rev Green (is annoyed)

Am gutted and annoyed .. was meant to be going out to a corporate do at the football tonight - and to see cup final - and it's been called off as they have a supposed waterlogged pitch - it hasn't rained that much here!
As I didn't have the most amount of time this morn I only took a couple of shots as I thought I would have this evening's outfit to add on later too, but now I don't!! I was going to wear this top with a pencil skirt and heels .. and some fab jewellery!! Now I don't have any reason to wear it .. and we might not even get re-arranged - so there goes the nice free meal and drinks!

Am grrrrr arrrg-ing as we speak!!!!

Anyway....

What I wore today:
Trousers: Florence+Fred @ Tesco.
Shirt: Next.
Heels: Gifted.

I don't wanna fall to pieces!

Well - I'm not in France :'(
Can't believe that I am here sat at home on my own missing out because of my stupid illnesses, it's really go me down - I haven't cried so much in a long time - and I cry a LOT!!

I had a terrible night last night - couldn't sleep had stupid jerks in my legs and pains in my stomach - I'm sure my IBS has never been this bad before! I got to thinking about my different illnesses - and I realised I have 5 now! Or 4 and a possibility :(

My Fibromyalgia - no wonder they call it the silent disease as everyone says how well I look etc when i'm actually feeling like a ten tonne truck has hit me several times, I get aches and pains, and am soooo tired that no-one could understand it's like permanent jet lag :( Then theres the bit where it could actually be shutting down my organs over time - great huh?

Next is my IBS which I have had for around 8 years now, which they are saying could of been an underlying indication of my Fibro (yeah thanks) but I haven't had a bad a flare up as this in a long long time ;(

My high anxiety is next on the list - which apparently is also made worse by the Fibro - I also have bad panic attacks these days :( and when I get stressed I have a nervous twitch!

Last on the list is my antibody count is too high, so instead of fighting off the bad cells IE when a cold infection enters my system - they are attacking all my good cells, so I don't really have an immune system which is why I'm always getting colds and stomach bugs!

All these symptoms all go round in a circle as when I get stressed it makes my Fibro worse but then when my Fibro is bad I can't sleep I get stressed and my OCD comes to the forefront more!

Also now I am being tested for Polycystic ovaries :( I had some tests and they came back slightly high so now I have to have an ultrasound on my stomach :(

Sometimes I lie awake at night not being able to sleep and I wonder where its going to end, will the symptoms get worse - my consultant at the hosp has released me as they can't give me anymore treatment until they do get worse BUT I DON'T WANT THEM TOO!!
I lie awake thinking what have I done to deserve this, am I being punished in some way? Then I feel really bad as there are people out there with far worse things than i have .. but it's stopping me doing everything I love - i just wish i could go back to a couple of years ago and be "normal" again .. I feel like I'm falling to pieces both mentally and physically:(